3 Reasons Why Fart Suckers are My Undeniable All Time Favorites.

“I burp, I fart, I am a real woman.”

Kate Winslet

It’s 5 a.m. and I’m enjoying My first bowl of the day while thinking about the last man I stuffed between My cheeks and just let all My farts rip on his puny face. It’s been too long. Even a month feels like an eternity.

Men are so pathetic and predictable. Once you find out what makes them tick, you can control them just like a puppet.

Men, being the simple brained things that they are, even if you do something that’s not really their thing, you can still make it work.

For example, a man really loves getting blowjobs, so you start to graze your teeth along the side, squeezing his goofy ass balls, digging your nails in deeper, and deeper more each time. Right as he is about to burst, tell him no, hold it in. He’ll squirm and struggle and then when he spills his seed, ball tap, force him to clean up his mess, you get the idea….

You can ruin his orgasm before it even happens and put back all the focus on you and your pleasure (as it should be!) Men are impressionable and they want direction! Give it to them. Soon, that thing between his legs won’t even be able to get hard without some kind of pain. Can’t you tell how much I like ruined orgasm?  Anyway, I digress.

Men are puppets and when you know how to control them, it’s pretty fucking great.

One of My favorite ways to control the opposite sex is with My natural funk…that’s right…My farts!

My fart suckers are undeniably some of My favorites.

They just become so weak with each too… mind control with My farts. Love to see it.

It’s the best when we’re in public, and I’m just letting My farts rip and the helpless fart sucker starts trying to stand closer, trying to hide the chub that’s growing in his pants. Before getting into this fetish, I wonder how many males I’ve inadvertently gifted My farts to over the years. One guy in particular always stands out in My mind. He’s a story for another blog…

I LOVE farting. I think farts are funny and they feel good and not to mention, they are good for you. I love how you can manipulate them into sounding differently with specific moves and foods. Then I learned that YOU love farts because they’re so yummy for your tummy and you need them(thank you South Park).

With the ongoing presence of a global pandemic still rampaging across the U.S., it feels like it’ll be forever before I get to pin another man down, sitting on him, making him recycle My fart fumes for his air. I miss hearing and feeling My fart suckers take that deep breath before I sit on their eager faces, taking My sweet time releasing everything. Taking so much of My sweet time, that it’s common for fart suckers to start to tap My thighs, begging to come up for fresh air.

I’m not sure when I’ll get to go back to sitting on men as much as I used to. One thing is for sure though, a man’s face, his back, any part of him would feel a lot better than this dinky dining chair from Ikea that I’m sitting on.

And with that, let’s get into My top 3 reasons why fart suckers are My favorites!

Fart Suckers Are So Damn Eager

Like Kurt Angle would say, “It’s true, it’s damn true”….

I’ve never known a fart sucker who wasn’t desperate to be anything that I needed or wanted him to be.

Furniture, wallet, recycling bin, ashtray….it doesn’t matter. When farts are on the line, even just the idea of being rewarded with My fart fumes is enough to make any weak man go above and beyond for Me.

They’re Fun to Humiliate in Public

If you can manage to blast those silent, but deeply crop dusts, then you’re in for a very smelly and very fun trip around town! Personally, I love to go to crowded stores and let em’ rip. Some of My favorites stores to torment men are Ikea, Lowe’s and pretty much the entire Fashion Mall in Indianapolis.

And the third reason why fart suckers are My favorites???

They Always Make Me Laugh

Laughter is the best medicine. There’s no doubt about that.

Watching how hard men become for farts in general honestly cracks Me up. Getting hard for My farts though, are the sprinkles on top of My leftover cupcake….

My roaring laughter only makes fart suckers breathe in deeper and harder for Me…which in turn make Me laugh even harder! It’s a never ending cycle of farts and laughter when you think about it.